HNY 🤍💛🤍

It’s 2021 already! Time flies, right? I don’t exactly know how to feel, what to feel. It seems like there’s always a limitation, when the world is still falling onto pieces, dragging us on our feet. I’m not quite sure what I am writing atm. HAHHA

So before I go overboard, lemme greet the readers, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Is it really happy, eh? For me, atleast, I feel entitled to be happy for one more day each day. I mean we can be happy even for a day. It’s a choice we must make despite everything we’ve been through the last year. Btw, my real new year would start the next month so its just a respect greeting everyone HNY! And yes, I don’t know I like to use acronyms or shorter greetings these days e.gHBD, HNY, MC. ILY. IMY. Hahha. I found it cool while some of my friends found it rather absurd or me being the usual lazy me. Partly true though. (I can’t believe I just wrote a long paragraph)

Is it okay to look back? Im not sure also. I mean looking back to the last year, yes especially the last year. Seeing my 2020 self was tragic. I thank God I’m still pretty alive and kicking in 2021. *comfort hugs to myself*

I, myself, and VERY few of my friends knew for a fact that last year for me was not easy (too many to mention the obstacles I fought along the way). I cried a river and fell down on my knees in all honesty! Sounds cliché but srsly, I’ve been thru hell on earth. I needed an angel and God sent me angels in the form of my friends, I’d like to believe that.

I really wanted to write on the new year. Sure thing, I wrote on my journal. I could not miss it. I had to delay writing here because NY was hectic because of work and I needed a perfect time. I need the perfect mood. I’m not sure if this is the perfect time but maybe I am in sort of a good mood or honestly, Imjust bored. Busy boredom sucks! Who can relate? Hand’s down! J

NY’s resolution is now useless for me. Yes, I still set some goals but it’s not yet finalized because when 2020 happened, I stopped planning my life. What’s the point, right? I’m a sucker for plans. I don’t want to do things without planning it ahead. But I also learned to adjust or have contingency plans or the back up which I haven’t prepared last year and just recently.

The thing was that, my friends and I (4 of us) planned to have a start up business in our locality. It can be categorized as organizing events. The project proposal was done. We had a meeting. We did the planning, setting timelines for launching and all other stuff. I was sooooo sooo excited of making it happen in reality. My mind was beginning to be creative again. I mean it’s working again like I used to make it work, creativity –LOL. Hahah I even activated my FB account for the upcoming promotions. Everything went well until one of the members of the team decided to back out. T.T (I deactivated again, ofc).

We had a commitment. We asked her many times about her commitment. She was fully committed and we all believed in her. We’ve been friends for the longest time. But she failed us, unintentionally maybe. She has many things going on. I should understand, right? But how can I understand if she has no valid reason. She left us hanging. I know I’m so OA but I have to at least express my disappointment to her and to myself as well. 

The others told me to be more understanding, saying we have to be the mature people. But I really felt betrayed. It was like having an almost relationship who left you hanging. It sucks! And I was even more dramatic pep talking to myself that I trusted her; we built a good friendship but circumstances change and people has to change too. Maybe I can understand well if I know the exact reason. I can’t even nag at her like I usually do because I feel like she’s going through a lot and Im kinda guilty also towards her. So as you can see, I’m having mixed emotions about the situation.

All of a sudden, she was gone and said she’ll be back when she’s good and well enough to face more commitments. I really don’t know how to react. I’m not sure if she’s fighting depression or some sort. She just mentioned about anxiety disorder. Like we all go through that at some point in our lives.

I know I deviate from the topic already. So what’s my HNY story? Actually I just wanted to write this long to reach the 1000 words even if it does not make sense. So if you are still reading, thank you. You’re one of the good readers in my boring litany. Hahaha actually I also know I use words for the sake of using it because I just feel like it. Sometimes even if it does not make sense, I just write it hoping it would make sense in one way or another. I’m typing this on the spot. I’m so happy I could write a lot.

Sometimes, I miss writing on my blog but Im just too lazy. I can’t even write on my journal every day. One good thing in the NY is that I’ve been reading everyday. I love it so much! I tried to read slowly now. Afraid that I will run out of new books to read. I can finish a book in an hour or two but this time, I decided to take it slow. On the weekends, I read many chapters while weekdays, despite exhaustion from work, I read for about 5 chapters. Each has 2-4 pages only. I am currently reading THE ART OF THINKING CLEARLY and I love it. I already decided to read it again because there are things to read again to understand it better.

Maybe one happy thing about the NY is that, it’s the NEW YEAR! As mentioned, we are entitled to be happy at least a day, if it’s not too much to ask. HNY!!!.

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